Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
