dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
