You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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