Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
