two words: eviction party
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
