Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
third nipple confirmed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
