margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
