god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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