I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My pussy is not your playground.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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