Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
