Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
