So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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