Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
