i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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