Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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