she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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