Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
