2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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