Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
