Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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