i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
