don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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