Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
