I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
