I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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