you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize