Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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