meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You can't just leave with hair like that
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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