Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize