i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
