I think I died a long time ago.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
