legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
