She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
