My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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