I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
