I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize