can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
