Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
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I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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