hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
