it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
