You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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