I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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