billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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