Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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