my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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