i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
