the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
