He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
