I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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