I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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