Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
