I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
