I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
