He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
