Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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