I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
